Victory

It's All Over, It's All OVER!!!


Let me point a few things in this picture.

1. On the far right is the Coke can that has been laughing at me for months. As I was leaving the office today for the last time, I said screw it dude. I grabbed that coke and put it in my bag and took off. Brought it home and drank it while surfing www.slickdeals.com (I hate you Amit)
2. In the center is a pupcake/bear
3. On the far right is a bouquet of flowers by my teachers after my exeptional going away speech to the staff. I told them they have filled my heart with a endless love and I am forever debt to them. Naw, actually I just said, "I will never forget you," in Japanese. Which probably sounded something like, "Iee ereee nebbaa foogiit yoo."
   

And now for something I'm very proud of:

This project took me the entire year.

Some of you know how hard the Japanese work and party. Well it often catches up to them, and they have no choice but to take a nap at work. And when this nap hits, I'm there to capture it on my cell phone. So without further adieu I give you an entire years worth of sleeping teachers on the job.

My Fav

---

So ya man, I did it. A year in a foreign country.
Came to this country without knowing any of the language, hardly any of the culture (Majority of my posts were about toilets for Christ's sake) and I survived in the countryside of Japan.

Okay asshole we know about your burning asshole, your lacking ability to get laid, and your obsession with your teachers, but what the fuck did you learn?

I learned a few things sir:
Iwasaki has had a boyfriend for four years.
I learned that you're never alone.
Kindness shouldn't be taken lightly, but should be shared.
Japanese food does not make me shit.
Japanese girls are crazy.
But White girls are crazier.
I love my friends.
I miss having a home.
Internet porn is evil.
Cooking is fun.
Culture is beyond words.
I'm excited to see all of you.


xoxoxxxo

VACATION

MY VAGINA IS GETTING BIGGER

Last week I took a small 5 day vacation and did a small amount of traveling.

** I fucking forgot my camera so you're going to have to settle for MSpaint.

I went to Kobe for the second time and saw Jackson Browne with Sheryl Crow, and let me tell you it was AWESOME. I'm so happy I saw Browne before I (or he) died. But something strange happened with Sheryl Crow came on... Beside from the obvious butchering of a Jackson Brown classic, Doctor In My eyes, something was happening to me...



My penis (now strictly for peeing) seem to dissipate within my pants and a blossoming (not beautiful*) vagina appeared.

Holy shit! I have a vagina! What do I do with it? -- How come all of a sudden I like all these Crow jams? This is so strange... Are you strong enough to be my man? Obviously not you dick fuck.

Then as soon as it came, it vanished with the end of the set. Goodbye Sheryl, take my God forsaken vagina with you.

---

Then I took a trip to the WWII ravaged island of Okinawa.

Okinawa was the last island battle in the Pacific, and it was wild.
I went to a few WW2 museums, a cemetery, underground tunnels and caves the Japos made for hiding, and a memorial for an all girl high school that devoted their time to aiding the sick. Most of the girls and teachers committed suicide rather then submitting to the Americans.

After the war the island was taken over by the USA till 1972, before that Japanese people needed a passport to go there!

You can tell the Islands were Americanized at one point. I ate an A&W Rootbeer place, and then my stomach hurt BAD afterwards. ( Legends you're going to make me shit all over myself -- more then usual that is...)

I went to the second largest aquarium in the world. And it was fucking AWESOME... except for one minor detail.

CHINESE



Well that's that. I'm heading to Kyoto for one more small trip.
2 weeks and counting.


* = I know a lot of women are going to be up in arms about me calling the vagina "Not beautiful." Sorry dudes. I'm just not a big fan of something that has piss, discharge, yeast infections, and blood oozing out of it. But some dudes might find that beautiful... especially when discharged all over their chest, but I don't.

- About the Chinese, I have nothing against the Chinese at all, other than some of the food makes me shit, but by this point I think my stomach has been so beaten and battered anything could make me drop a brick into the pool.
Vivian if you still read this, which you probably don't, I was just kidding, you're awesome, and you deserve Lance. >=(

Quick Update

Do You Use Condoms During Sex?

I've been on vacation for a while, sorry for the lack of update, but here's something good!

As some of you know, my vice principal loves me, which is great because he lets me come and go as I please. Which is why I'm writing this blog when I should be at work =D

Yesterday, after I gave him a souveigner from my vacation. He comes and sits down next to me and put his hand on my shoulder.

"When you make love... do you use condom?"

"You don't need a condom if you're sticking it in the butt Kyoto"

"Hmm I like thaat answer, you can go home early."

YES! I've been buttering up that guy all year and now I hardly ever have to go into work. It's fucking sweet. Other then that, I still havent drank the Coca-Cola in the fridge. I think I'll save that for my last day. A sort of victory drink of some sort.

I'll post about my vacation later.

Later bitches

Tie

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

Sorry for the shoulder in the picture, but I was just trying to inconspicuous

Yes, this guy is so awesome. Originally I was going to take a point away from this dude for being such a lazy ass, but then again, that's why I didn't take a point away. This dude doesn't give a FUCK. Good for him.

I noticed him on the train on the Kyoto.
I think the best part of it was the girl who's trapped in the seat next to him.
She tries to get up around the dude, and had to wake his drunk ass up. Ya, the dude was drunk at like 3 pm. So good.

I also enjoy this picture on multiple levels. People always hear about the Japanese sleeping on trains but this dude takes the cake. Takes the whole cake, and takes a giant shit on it.

All the Japo's tried to ignore him as much as possible. Tried not to look at him etc, but then when that chick was yelling at him to get up, a few people peered over and laughed.

Other than that...

I have one more month till I get back.
Excited anyone?

Leg Update

Everyone behold the leg:



As you can see it's a nice shade of yellow accompanied by a giant purple bruise that hurts like hell. My toes and bottom of my foot are all purple. Allow me to go into further detail.

I feel I should first give praise to Seiko-Chan who is a lovely 66 year old lady who picks me up everyday with a homemade breakfast every morning at 730 am to take me to school.
Then she picks me up at 330 to take me to the hospital. She pays all my hospital bills and buys all my food. She is not paid by any company, and she's only known me for the past 5 months. She does not speak English, and I don't think she speaks Japanese either (she does speak Japo but her country accent so god damn think it sounds like shes got a mouth full of food when she speaks). I love her.

She picks me up and takes me to the hospital everyday after school for some rehabilition, or at least thats what they call it. Here's a glimpse:

I'm sorry for the quality of the picture but it was taken with my phone.

They put ice on my ankle for about 20 minutes, then hook up 6 different electrical pads to my leg and send shocks through it for about another 20 minutes.

The worst part: the doctor massages my bruises.

Hey is that some ancient Japanese secret? It must feel good.

This massage in no way feels good. In fact it hurts bad.

"Itai?"

"Ya fucking itai!"

"Yokatta! Daijobu desu?"

"No, what the fuck!?

Anyway I'm only supposed to be on crutches for 1 or 2 more weeks. I can't wait to get this fucking thing off my leg. I gotta go see Sheryl Crow and Jackson Browne (fuck you Austin) next week in Kobe then go to Okinawa. F.

How is school going?

School is a breeze right now. There is no elevator so they've canceled all my classes on the 3rd and 4th floors. I have roughly 1 class a day. Everyone is killer nice opening doors and fetching me things around the office. Most of the Japanese just laugh at me when I tell them it was Judo, but fuck it, less work for me to do.

There was one day last week when a class and I were doing a chirades game. And one of the Japanese teachers insisted that I partake even though I'm on crutches.
"Are you fucking kidding me? No. I got one month left, give me a fucking break dude."

Is there anything else I want to say?... hmm.. I booked my flight home.. I haven't pooped since Friday... that coke in the fridge is still laughing in my face... Amit's a fag

Japan 6 - Nick 7

Racism Lives!

Assholes might as well be offering grape soda with their pork sandwiches

Don't let the sneaky Japanese fool you. Racism is alive and well in this country.

Maybe not racism, but they definitely don't think twice to what they're saying..

Japanese: "Oh.. black face!"

I would say this sign is a pretty good example of that. Not sure if you find the term "Black Music" offensive or not, but I try to compare most of what I see to the states. I don't think you would find a cafe in the states with a sign of a black man singing "Black Music."

I've had many people mock the way I talk and laugh. It's a little annoying. I know I've mentioned this before but could you imagine turning to an Asian in America and mocking, "Ching chong gong gong piiiiiiiiiiiiiiing bong gong"?

HOT DAMN!

Leg Update: Couldn't fucking sleep at all last night. The floor is fucking cold and my leg was throbbing. Totally didn't go to work today. Ha!

- Thanks to everyone that voted. That coca-cola is as good as mine! Plus who's gana take it from a cripple?..

Japan 7 - Nick 7

My Leg Is Fractured...

.. in two spots

For those that haven't been Facebook stalking me, I have a fractured my leg and ankle while playing judo.
How it happened exactly we're not sure of. I just remember me and my partner falling and my leg folding backwards. My knee and my ankle popped, luckily my knee is cool, but my ankle and leg aren't so cool.

The same night of me breaking my ankle I went to an Orthopedic. He examined my leg for a bit then he had two of my Senseis hold me down.

"Why are you guys holding me down?"

*Dr proceeds to yank, pull, and twist my broken ankle

"WWWHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAa AAAAAAAAAAAaa Wwhaht t thhee fucckckk1!!!! HAHAHAAH ohh my gododd!1 Why am I in this country!?!?! "

"Yokatta, I don't think it's broken."

Oh lord.
I had to go to work the next day. I only had one class, thank God. My day was spent staring at the wall. I couldn't get up to flirt with the nurses, or sleep in the library, my day was fucking terrible.

After work I went to a real hospital and got Xrays done. That's when I found out I had two small fractures. One in my leg and one in my ankle. Going to take about 4 weeks of me walking on crutches and a soft cast.

Pretty bummed out.

Everything here was based on me being mobile, riding a bike, walking to the station. Now I can't do shit. My schools don't have an elevator so my classes on the 4th and 3rd floors will probably be canceled.

I don't feel like working like this. I'm gana have to sit in a chair.
Taking a shit in my shoebox size bathroom sucks. I shower by laying down in the shower with one leg hanging out the door.


This is so fun.


On the brightside of things: I'm watching a bunch of 24, playing a lot of Guitar. A lot of my classes will be canceled. In fact on rainy days I probably won't go to school at all (I'm not fucking crutching 30 minutes in the rain to the station just to slip down stairs)!

Get this shit:

My Judo Sensei has been bringin breakfast lunch and dinner everyday since the accident. They've been taking me to the hospital and have been so sweet.

They treat me better then my god damn friends back in the states!! ( F U GUYS!) - Miss you guys

haha, Lord, I need to come home!

Lick my balls

The slow and steady decline of Nicholas J Giunta

These are some bright orange tori gates gentleman.

There's no real story behind it, it's just pretty cool looking and I feed you assholes so many pictures of toilets and other senseless shit I thought you'd appreciate some 'real' Japan.

This is a real famous spot in Kyoto.

Kyoto is known for being real japan, the only problem I have with that is there is no real Japan. There are temples and tori gates but their surrounded by shopping malls and overpriced cafes. It's kind of a drag. I think a lot of people thought they were going to be coming to the set of 'The Last Samurai.' Wrong-o

But really, I'm happy it's there or else Japan would be JUST Shopping malls and overpriced Cafes. Lesson being, you can have your cake and eat it too.

Sorry the for the lack of updates, I've been jumping through all kinds of hoops lately for grad school, and leaving Japan. Gotta get a plane ticket, apartment taken care of, my cell phone, selling my shit etc. Lordie.

Oh, I'm also going to put a new Poll up. There's this Coca Cola sitting in my school's fridge for the past 3 months, just staring at me to take it. I don't know whose it is, but how long can something be left in the fridge before it's open to the public. I think I'm going to take it anyway, they don't give a shit about me.

How did this entry go from being about Kyoto to about a public refrigerator.
You assholes are going to miss this blog when it's gone!!1

Fuck

No fancy shit here.

Sorry for the lack of posting as usual but this is what junkies would refer to as: coming down.



I'm pretty checked out mentally. Ready to start something new, see my family, friends (whats left of them), and eat some mexican food.

My lessons are getting worse and worse. I'm showing up for work late, or leaving early (I left around 11 today).
I think people are starting to notice (or maybe it's the slight case of schizophrenia I've developed here).

"Do you like Japan?"
"Yeah of course!"
"Rearry?
"Yes."
"REARRY?"
"YES!!"
".. rearry?.."
"You're right, I don't, fuck."

On a completely unrelated related topic.

I fucking ate whale tonight.

ON ACCIDENT.

I went to my market and wanted to try a new fish
"Well well, what's this blood red slab? Look delicious!"
Take it home and realize it's taking a long time to cook...

I bite into it and blood goes where, it's as tough as steak.

I think it's whale.. I throw it away and eat a Banana.

Ask my friend later that night to read the packaging for me, and sure enough, Whale.
I've been feeling ill all night. Eating soup, drinking tea, took a long bath.

Congratulations God you've done me in quite well.

Japan 7 - Nick 9

Hiroshima

Oh nothing like the sweet smell of VICTORY!
I really enjoyed Hiroshima, easily one of my favorite trips while in Japan. Such wild history, pretty city, and of course I was with the old man giving me history lessons on super powers/death/racism or whatever fuck.

Anyway.

The best is when my students ask me:

"Giunta what's your favorite Japan city."

"Oh that's easy child, I really like Hiroshima."

There's looks of confusion on everyone's face.

What the fuck?! Why the hell do you like that depressing reminder of a city? Oh I know why that yankee piece of shit likes it. It's because he likes remind himself that he won the war. Well woohoo, raw haw for you Mr. American piece of shit. Why don't you just go over to that McDonalds buy yourself a Big Mac, supersize it, then shove it up your hairy capitalistic asshole!? Do you like Hiroshima because it's a great reminder of the destruction your country has put on us, that is still effecting us to this day? Do you know how it feels to have family members and friends effected by a bomb that was so hot it melt there skin to floor? So why Giunta?! Why the hell do you like that city so much? You piece of trash! And by the way I hate your classes!

- Er, the food?

Japan 7 - Nick 8

Fail




this picture was taken back in Tokyo when I first came to Japan.
I was trying to think of all sorts of ideas for the blog, and one of them was .. " Japanese Equivalents."
Which was basically what my friends back home would look like if they were Japanese.

The picture shown is of some stranger at Ueno park during the Cherry Blossoms.

It was supposed to be Dax, Ryan and Lance's brother.

Fail because Dax is already Asian. But I remember seeing this guy and thinking, "Holy shit it's Dax! I should go talk to him." Then I remembered, "Oh fuck, I'm in Japan. That's not Dax, it's just some Japanese look-a-like."

I'm not saying all Asians look alike*

The guy wears a beanie like Dax does, and he's got a lady, that's Dax! Now only if he had an iPhone in one hand..

I was going to try to take lots of pictures of Japanese people and compare them to my friends and family, but it got so awkward trying to take pictures of strangers without them knowing it wasn't worth it. In fact I know of a Jap-Toby and Jap-Amit but I won't ever get their pictures up and running. Sorry.

* = Lie, they do.

American Sports 100 - Japanese Sports 0

This is a 'varsity' high school team... nuff said

American Sports 0 - Japanese Sports 1

Excuse the shitty quality of this photo, but it was taken with my phone.

Some of you may remember a highschool girls basketball team in Texas ran up the score against a mentally challenged team by 100 points. This, of course, gained some national attention to bad sportsmanship at the high school level.... Does this exist in Japan?

Nope.


I went to a highschool basketball tournament last Saturday to watch a few of my schools perform.
My school lost by one point from a last second shot from the opposing team, tough loss...

BUT THE REAL STORY IS THIS EFFING PICTURE!

This is the score of a girls game with 2 minutes left in the fourth quarter.

HOlY SHIT
I couldn't believe it!
Talk about running up the score!

One team was obviously dominate. They had a full squad with an adamant coach, and a killer point guard that was throwing no-look passes and tossing opposing pussies to the ground, SON!

Team Pathetic had roughly six players, and could hardly get the ball past mid court.

Team Sadist decided to keep their best players in till the very end of the game. And as you can see.. they won... decisively.

Good thing Japanese parents don't give a shit about their kids, or else there would've been outrage all over the gymnasium!


And for those that want to get technical: The games are 4 10 minute quarters, and traveling is allowed (not really but the reffing is a joke)

OH ya...

And for those that want to know how I spent my new year...

Chion-in Temple in Kyoto Bell Ringing New Year's Eve 2008 from Jason Collin on Vimeo.

Sorry I couldn't be in America pretending to enjoy watching you play beer pong.

Japan 7 - Nick 9

Wow

This picture is from my first week in Japan. Holy shit, almost an ENTIRE YEAR AGO.
This is from inside the hotel room I was staying in while, "Training."

Let me talk a moment about, "Training."

Those that already know me from training are rolling your eyes (eff you guys).

First of all, the shit was way to fucking long. 8 am to 6 pm of listening to mundane, recycled stories; having grown adults play children English games.

"What is this?"

(in unison) It's a LION!

"Alright everyone stand up!"

(in unison) *We stand*

"Now sit back down..."

(in unison) *We sit*

"Now kiss the person next to you with a lot of tongue."

(Nick wakes up)

The point is... the whole training thing was incredibly disorganized, and ineffective. 99% of what we learned in training was applicable to elementary and Jr High students.

How the fuck am I supposed to get a classroom of 44 18 year olds learning trades at a vocational school, to clap their hands and sing English songs. My students are too busy drawing Hentai and presenting them as gifts (That's a positive).

Okay back to the picture.
After a few days my roommate and I obviously needed to do some laundry.
The washing machines worked, but the dryers did not.
Which meant hanging out underwear on anything in that room.

YES those are my Pink Floyd boxers, and YES that is my Old Spice deodorant.
I'm just really happy you can't see the Snickers bar resembled shit stain on my underwear.

I realized this picture is pretty pathetic in more ways then one. At first I was going to give Japan a point, but ya know what, it's Japan's EFFin fault for not having reliable dryers. What the hell!? This is Japan! The electronic capital of the world, right?! That dryer should have my clothes dried, pressed, and folded in under 10 minutes.

WRONG.

But then again I've been wrong about a lot of things..


Sophia ...

NEW LOOK!

Ladies in Gentleman! Welcome to the new design of my blog! (Sorry for anyone who is blind and either has their friend reading this blog to them, or is listening to it on my new "Blog on Tape.")

There's not a whole lot new other then the color scheme and that fucking fancy-ass Poll at the top! Make sure to vote youngsters!

Vote or Die - P Diddy "Elected American Hero"

So this is how it's going to work, from no one, I'm going to be posting a lot more frequent (I know I say that a lot, but this time I fucking mean it!)
But the deal is, ONE PICTURE, ONE STORY.

I'm going to be choosing one my pictures by random and then posting a story about it.

LETS BEGIN:


What the fuck was Japan thinking?! They can't compete with American fast food. Authorities will tell you global warming is the cause of water levels rising, but the truth is Americans are so fat that we're actually sinking the continent into the ocean, its fact.

I bought this heart attack on a small trip. My town doesn't really have any fast food, other then the Micky D's (but that shit is a 30 minute bike ride, and I'm not going that far for a stomach ache). So anyway the name of the resturant is Lotteria. And the box contains, a burger, fries, FRIED CHICKEN, and a soda... which I got ginger ale..

Was it good?

In a word, no. It was the greasiest piece of shit I've stuck in my mouth the past 9 months. The fries were soggy and a tad bit cold, and the salt tasted like carpet findings. The burger was mediocre at best, so mediocre that I've completely forgotten how it tasted. Oh and the chicken, fucking Christ the chicken. The poor thing was so slimy and disgusting. It tasted as if someone had already eaten it, regurgitated it back into the fryer, then the Japo's fed it to me. Fuck ginger ale was a dumb choice.

I immediately felt sick to my stomach. I was walking around with a lead weight in my stomach. A lead weight that was going to find it's way to my rectum and fucking destroy it, then send it to my parent's letting them know that I ate vomit, and that's how I died.

The food was gross, made me want to puke, but it also made me... miss America.

America, my stomach is not ready for you, but my heart is.