Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Japan 7 - Nick 6

I'll let the video do the talking

Thank you for the wonderful meal, I had a splendid evening.


Thursday, September 24, 2009

Summer Stories

End of Summer

So summer is coming to an end and I had one more visitor..
The girl from West Virginia! She stayed for about 4 nights.

It was good to have a friend come and stay a while. Friend with a giant penis.

A few highlights of the stay.

We went into the mountains to watch the only black man in southern Japan salsa dance..

The salsa dancing was good and all, but the biggest surprise was.. you guessed it.. THE TOILET!

There was no handle to flush! You had to take that weird spray nozel thing and literally spray your shit or piss down the toilet. At first I didnt know what it was.. a bidet maybe? "Am I suppose to hose my ass with this thing?"

A lot of people have been askign me:

"dude, she stayed at your place for four nights, please tell me you got some."
"Man, a girl at your place for that long, i hope you charged her rent, some PPUSSSSEEEHHH!!"

Well the truth is, after watching that Japo porn given to me from my basketball friend, Ive turned asexual.
I couldn't get a boner if Amit sucked my dick.
Either way, it didnt really matter...

Ya see, me and the girl from West Virginia, went to a photo booth together, and thats where it all... err.. unraveled..

Thursday, September 17, 2009


Jason Story #1 !!! OMGZ

"Does Jason know that is BAD?! "
- Sugino San

"Tanabe had it coming..."
- Disgruntled Interac Employee Emily Towe

"I got arrested."
- Jasons text sent to me at 4 am.

K there's not a whole to say about this.

One could say Jason has been going slowly crazy down here in the country side...

Long story short:

Jason and all of white friends went out drinking one night..
She didn't take her shirt off..

After the absolute slaughtering of Paranoid Android by Radiohead at a Karoake bar I went home. Fell asleep.

Didn't wake up till the next morning when I had a text from Jason..
"Got arrested"

Holy shit. Started to call people etc to see what happened..

Jason was confronted by 11 police officers at a grocery store parking lot.

I was later informed by Jason that in Canada, when one gets drunk, it's a lot of fun to jump on moving cars and pretend you got hit by them...Well the Japoknees didn't think that was too funny three cars later..

Jason actually did not get arrested but was slapped with a $500 fine. He's lucky that the people didn't want to press charges, they only wanted him to pay for the damages. And only 2 of the 3 people actually wanted him to pay, the third claimed he didn't do any damage. Wow, the Japanese are honest people.

Well without further adieu...

Thank you Emily very much for this photo!! LOLLL
I can't imagine what the poor Japanese inside were thinking!


You were only with us for a short time, and God took you from us. We know he has plans for you. Better plans. You'll be happier where you're going. I look forward to our next meeting.
In our thoughts and hearts forever.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


Jason Story #2

Jason loves cars.

Jason and I set out to the beach in his car (That's not his Mercedes).

We had a hard time finding a parking spot so we parked in an empty lot. About 2 hours later Jason gets a phone call from his manager.

"Are you at Shirahama beach?"
"Yeah how'd you know that?"
"You parked in a man's lot and he's fucking furious. You better go move it."

We got back to the empty lot and saw this

The dude parked his car perpendicular so we couldn't get out the spot.
Well due to the nature of Japo cars being so tiny, we were able to squeeze by.

Once back at his apartment he gets another call from his manager.

"Hey, you weren't supposed to leave."
"But, I thought we were supposed to move that car..."
"Yeah well... he wanted you to stay so you could apologize."
"Okay I'll go back and apologize."

Manager calls again.

"Wait, you don't have to go."
"Why not?"
"You don't know Japanese. You can't apologize appropriately. I'll be down there tomorrow morning and take you to the beach and we'll both apologize in Japanese."
"But you live 2 hours away. You're going to drive all the way down here, on a Sunday? That's your day off..."

Well I wasn't able to go see the apologizing in action. But from what Jason told me, the dude was about a 5'4" piece of fiery shit. At one point in the apologizing the man put up both his fists and asked Jason to "C'mon! C'mon!" Then stepped back on his property. Apparently if you hit on a dude on his property your in big shit.

Jason was able to keep his composure this time... but not for long!!....

Till the next story!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Summer Stories

My Dad Came To Visit.

For those of you that don't know my Dad I'll try to bring you up to date real fast.
My Dad is a retired LA Sheriff. He worked in Lynwood, Inglewood for the greater part of his career. His not a son of a bitch, but he's not exactly the nicest of men. His firm but fair. He's like a gym teacher that you hate to love? I don't know how to put it exactly, HE'S My DAD!

Here's a picture I took of him on Skype... I think you'll get the picture..

My Dad showing off his new Glock 9mm. Look at that smile.

Anyway, Instead of just telling you a giant story about our trip. I think I'll just give you some quotes from my Dad.

" Jesus Christ son, this humidity is absolutely awful. I've never in my life.. I'm sweating real bad, I need something to cool me down, like a delicious blue slushi."

"Everyone in this country is real nice and all son, but I couldn't live here. there's no aviation. And there's no way in hell I'm living anywhere I can't fly a helicopter."
- My Dad on Japan

"HOLY GOD. YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING! Now I've seen everything. I can of Pringles for 3 dollars and 15 cents, you've got to be joking.
- My dad on Pringles he saw in a 7-11

"How come I have to keep taking my damn shoes off?"

"Why can't I get a god damn normal breakfast? Ya know, some eggs, bacon, toast, maybe some hashbrowns, some coffee ..."
-My dad on Breakfast

"NO REFILLS?! What kind of country is this? You're telling me I only get one cup of coffee? Denny's is sounding real nice right about now.. "
-My dad on refills

"Oh son, Please get a picture of me with the bomb. Oh man this is something else! Look at the size of this thing. Can you believe what we as human beings have become capable of. Splitting molecules, atoms. And turning science into a weapon that can basically wipe every breathing thing off the face of the PLANET! Those sons of bitches should have just surrendered, then none of this would have happened. We didn't have to just drop one bomb on them but TWO! TWO BOMBS SON! Can you believe the type of destruction? I mean temperatures that caused people's skin to melt off where they stood. And oh lord, those people that were near the denotation. Those poor bastards didn't even know what hit them. Jesus..."

Love that guy

Saturday, September 5, 2009


Damn sandwiches are gross

Ask and you shall receive.

Some of my readers have expressed interest in hearing more about my friend Jason. For good reason, he's a nut.

Jason will soon be leaving this small town called Tanabe and heading to the bright lights of Osaka. So in honor of Jason I will be sharing one Jason story a week.

Jason Story #3

Jason and I are in complete aw of the lack of vagina in this town. There HAS to be girls here some where! We've seen them driving around in their cars, but where do they hang out when the weekend comes?! We set out on a fucking JOURNEY hitting every bar in this town.

We came across Panderika. Where we met Mickey and Snaggletooth .

That's kind of what she looked like.

Anyway Jason was bent on getting a date. So he tells Mickey and Snaggle...

"You're name is Sunday, and yours is Monday, but listen.. If Sunday works out then Monday you're off, I don't want you."

"Jaaaayyssaaann, no, nooooo"

Poor Mickey, it's sad to say but Snaggle was better looking then she was... brutal.
Next on our little pub crawl was the now legendary Tender Love.

We are the only people in the bar, but the bartenders are 4 women.
3 young ones and one old... pretty old.

Well one of the young ones starts chatting with us in her best broken English. She points to the older woman, "That's my mommy...mommy."
The lady obliged, "My daughter."

"Oh that's neat," we say..

"My mommy... she has smelly pussy, bad smell, bad smell, my pussy.. nice smell hmmm nice body"

"Holy fuck where are we?"

Young girl grabs my crotch, "How big? How big?"

Jason steps in, thank God.

"Hey I've got a small penis. small small penis, but I've got some really BIG BALLS."

"Balls-eh? Balls-eh?"


"Balls-eh? Balls-eh?"


"Balls-eh? Balls-eh?"


Oh that was a good night. Seeing Jason scream "balls" in a drunk 24 yr old mother of 2's face in front of her mother's smelly pussy.

God dammit I hate Tender Love.

OH! Jason eventually got his wish and was able to take Snaggle out on a nice date to the beach. Where she walked around in Jeans and high heels the whole time. Nothing ever came of it. Of course.