Friday, October 30, 2009

Time Out (20 second)

Happy Halloween!

I wonder which apartment the honkie lives in.... hmm..

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Japan 7 - Nick 7

My Bitter Sweet Brown Belt

That's a picture of me and my Sensei in my closet like dojo.

Like the title says, it was a bitter sweet experience. Let me start with the sweet.

The Budokan was effing packed! There must've been a hundred or more people packed in there to kick some ass, or watch some ass being kicked.

My test was split into two separate parts.
1. Kata (Showmans skills test)
2. Fight

During the beginning of the Kata I recognized two of my students. They came over and bowed to me. That was nice, HARK! What was that!? They have white belts! Oh man, one of these two students could be my opponent!

Anyway, Pyar (another Gaijin stacking up to 6'6 and 230 lbs) got together and passed our Kata together. Good times.

Here's a video of the Kata. The three moves at the 1 minute mark are the moves I had to do to pass.

Next was lunch.. I ate a little bit of rice and fish.

During lunch, the scrolls were put up. Each scroll had the names of the fighters. I can't read... =(

After lunch everyone gathers around the scrolls and the judges read of the names (you are to raise your hand accordingly).
"Nick Oh LAs Giunta,"
"Japo Name"

That was when I first saw my opponent...

A lot of things go through your mind when you see the man you'll be fighting for the luxurious brown belt.
Has he truly loved?
Does he have a family?
I wonder if we'd be friends?...
I wonder what his favorite cartoon is?..
I wonder what Jr High he goes to...

The Bitter Part : My opponent was only 14 yrs old.

That's right!

I had to fight a God damned 14 yr old for my brown belt.

Dude when we got to the ring I was thinking, "Alright I'm just going to take it easy on this kid, he's only 14 and his parents are here to watch him. I couldn't imagine playing one-on-one basketball with a 25 yr old when I was 14.."

The fight started and I swear that kid was possessed. He was fighting for dear life. It was as if I were trying to steal all his cartoon pornography.

After about 30 seconds the fight went to the ground and I eventually pinned him for 3o seconds, match over.

My second match, against another 14 yr old only lasted 10 seconds. I threw him, game over.

After all the fights were finished it was free for all time. Anyone who wanted to fight anyone could come and challenge, and let me tell you.. there were a line of black belts lining up to take out the white man. I got my damn ass handed to me. I was so fucking exhausted. The little kid from the first fight came and challenged me again, I think his Sensei made him do it. I told him and his teacher he was very strong and not to be upset about anything. I bowed and tried to show great respect, but honestly as the whiteman in Japan there's only so much respect you can show without looking like an ass.

So there you have it.
I have a brown belt.
How did I get it?
Kicking the crap out of a 14 yr old.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Time Out (20 second)

The Biggest Test Of My Life

That's right kid-o's. I have my brown belt test in judo tomorrow.
How do I obtain this brown belt? Easy. I just have to defeat the 3 Japos put in front of me.
The idea of putting my hands on a complete stranger and attempting to throw them to the ground and hold them there is odd to me, for a couple reasons.
The main one being that I'm used to a sport that I was somewhat decent at.
I was confident in my ability to play basketball so I had no problem of playing against anyone. But in judo, I've been practicing for 2 months. I'm awful. As bad as it gets. So not only am I scared about getting thrown, but I'm also scared about throwing someone. What If I throw them and they land on their fucking head and bleed to death?!
Basketball is a sport in which physical contact is frowned upon. It's pretty damn pussy. Almost as pussy as soccer.

Everyone please wish me good luck. If I win, I'm a brown belt, if I lose I bring shame to the Dojo.

OH!! And I almost forgot. The people I will be competing against... high school students. Which means, there's a good chance I will have to fight my students. And If they beat me, do you know how embarrassing that will be!? How would you feel if you beat your high school teacher in physical combat? Holy god, I'd ask for nothing less then a B+ or I'd kick your ass, like I did in the competition! fuck

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Japan 7 - Nick 6

Poetic Justice

Every morning I take a train and bus to get to my school, it takes roughly 45 minutes to get there. At the final stretch of my morning journey I have to walk about 200 yards to the campus surrounded by students. At the gate of the campus is the principal. And he is there every morning to great every child that walks through the gate... and me.

Here's an Illustration:

I think this is really neat. I don't think there are many schools in America that have their principal stand outside and great the children. Later one day I find myself in the coffee room with the principal and one of my English teachers.

"Hey could you please tell the Principal in Japanese that I think it's really cool he stands outside and greats me in English every morning.."

"He says you look very tired.."

"Ah, ya it's pretty early, sorry about that."

"He says the sky is very blue and beautiful, and in contrast you are very gray and look sad to be coming to work.."

"Oh... wow.. err.. I dunno.. what to say.."

Damn! Talk about dropping some Japanese poetic justice all over me! I'm just glad he didn't start whipping out Haiku's to put me in my place. Maybe I should start looking a little happier to be coming to school... I dunno if that's going to happen since my nickname in one class is vagina. Sort of, I don't really feel like talking about that right now.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Japan 7 - Nick 7

Tokyo Game Show

Yes I went to Tokyo Game Show. I know know... I'm a giant nerd for paying 300 $ to fly to Tokyo to play the newest video games, some of which aren't released yet. PLUS, I'm staying with the girl from West Virginia and you know things are bound to get fresh... right?

I get to the show and I see a bunch of confiscated toys from people trying to cosplay.

A: Why the fuck are you bringing an iron to the show? Planning on ironing your cape?
B: Scissors? And there's a lot of them!
C: Who thought it would be safe to bring a fake gun to a public event? In Amerrrca, I think you would be arrested for something like this.

Speaking of Cosplay, here's a picture:

For those that don't know what cosplay is, It's when people dress up as their favorite anime or video game character. As you can see by this photo, a group of Japos decided to dress up as the cast of Zelda.... and one Yoshi.. who was smoking hot.

But the highlight of the trip. Who did I run into?! You might know her as Morgan Webb.

OMG! She's actually a lot cuter then I thought she would be. I was looking for Olivia Munn.. but I got Morgan, and that's okay. I didn't get the chance to speak with her since she was surrounded by a fortress of dorks.

After the game show

Okay time to hang out with the girl from West Virginia, things are bout to sweet as chicken pie.
Instead they got as gay as chicken ass hole getting fucked by another man chicken.

All of her friends (males) once they got drunk they started kissing each other, touching one another, and telling the gayest stories I've ever heard. Something about playing DDR naked with the heater turned all the way up. What the fuck?

So I just went to sleep, then the next morning flew back to my country side, where the males are normal, and want to touch chicks. And play DDR with our clothes on.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Japan 7 - Nick 6

I'm Alive (Partially)

So I should've updated everyone on this days ago.
The typhoon came and went, and was hardly a big deal. Well, I shouldn't say that, someone did die.
I felt like a bit of an ass telling all my teachers how excited I was to go through a typhoon, then someone dies..... Well It turned out the typhoon was strong enough to knock down a tree in the path of someone on a motorcycle.
My school was canceled for only half the day. I had to go in around 1:00 pm and teach a class, but it wasn't so bad.

In other news:

I went on a hike over the weekend. The longest fucking hike of my life stretching 50 kilometers. Fucking God, never again. I've never climbed up and over so many hills/mountains in my life. My knees are aching.

I have my brown belt test for Judo in about 2 weeks in which I will be pinned up against another white belt'er (probably a high school student) and winner gets the brown belt. I don't have the killer instinct to fight dude. Seriously, I just do judo for fun, and now they want me to pummel some 16 yr old get into submission.


There's a Baskin Robins out here. They have Halloween flavors and Halloween cups that are quite festive. I order a 4 dollar scoop of "Pumpkin Pudding," they give it to me in a normal 31 flavors cup and pink spoon. The next Japo in line orders ice cream and he gets the cool the Halloween cup and bright orange spoon. Fucking racist. The Japanese don't even celebrate Halloween! At least give it to the guy who's trick-or-treated once in his life time.

As far as my bowel movements are concerned (cause I know you're all concerned). I started drinking small cans of Boss Coffee. And that really gets things moving. And messy I might add. Who's the spokesman for Boss?

Kind of perfect if you ask me.

Sorry for the lame ass post. I will post something a little more fruitful, maybe tomorrow... or Friday.

On a completely separate note, Congratulations to Ryan and Jenny on getting married!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Time Out (20 second)

I feel a typhoon uh comin'

That's right. A typhoon should be reaching Japan early Thursday morning. Schools have already been shutting down, and my train just notified everyone today that it would not be running until tomorrow night. This means it's going to be impossible for me to get to my school unless someone drives through the typhoon to come get me. I really hope that doesn't happen.

In honor of the school canceling typhoon I had myself a nice little dinner. Walked to the grocery store in the pouring rain and bought food for tonight and tomorrow (thinking I'll be stuck inside). Tonight is quite the occasion so I treated myself to spaghetti and Coca-cola! Delicious!

If school is canceled tomorrow, which it very well should be, you can count on me staying inside all day, eating rice, and trying to watch all of the Tree House of Horrors.


Monday, October 5, 2009

Japan 7 - Nick 5

The Great Outdoors

We had a small holiday, about 5 days off in a row so a few friends I decided to go camping.

Under-prepared but willing, my style. We went to a place called 48 waterfalls, but instead of staying in a hotel like a normal person we decided to walk up the mountain side and find a nice flat place to throw up a tent. Well we eventually found a place good enough for a tent, and we also found some foot prints. More like tracks. We think they were wild boar tracks, fuck it. We set up tent then I tried to make a fire out of sticks and stones. Once that didn't work we made Tyler make a small hike back into town and get a lighter.


Oh that outlined person is Todd. He's black, and a little harder to see in the darkness.

We had the fire running till about 11:30, then we decided to call it a night. Around 1 in the morning a loud SCREEECH woke us up.

"Did you guys hear that...?"
"What the fuck..."

haha, I have a small video of us talking to each other in the tent, but the audio is very low and you never get to hear the animal so I'll spare you the 20 seconds of boredom and confusion.
The animal (which we think was a monkey) tiptoed around out tent for about a minute or so then took off into the forest.

Around 4 in the morning the animal came back and started to make more noise. I grabbed my camera and started taking flash pictures into hillside. What I found was shocking!

Well not really , but that's an eye! I took several pictures and that object never moved. Fucker was spying on us!

When we finally woke up and got everything going, we enjoyed a nice breakfast and started out hike. The 48 waterfalls was a very nice place.

After the waterfalls we got onto a rode and actually hitch hiked back to the train station. I'd never in my life hitch hike in America. That shit is nuts, you'd get a butt hole full broomstick or mouth full of dead, no thanks. But in JAPAN! They were very nice, even gave us some souvenirs and wished us good luck. haha.

So what do I like to do after a hard camping/hiking trip?
Well sir, I like to sit down at my favorite McDonald's and listen to a honkey from Atlanta Georgia play the piano, of course. Cause McDonald's in Japan have grand pianos...

And if you're wondering why I lost a point it's because of our reaction to the animal that came around the tent. Honestly if you would've heard us, you'd laugh, or mistaken us for girls, that are 8 yrs old, that suffer from night terrors.