Tuesday, March 23, 2010


It's All Over, It's All OVER!!!

Let me point a few things in this picture.
  1. On the far right is the Coke can that has been laughing at me for months. As I was leaving the office today for the last time, I said screw it dude. I grabbed that coke and put it in my bag and took off. Brought it home and drank it while surfing www.slickdeals.com (I hate you Amit)
  2. In the center is a pupcake/bear
  3. On the far right is a bouquet of flowers by my teachers after my exeptional going away speech to the staff. I told them they have filled my heart with a endless love and I am forever debt to them. Naw, actually I just said, "I will never forget you," in Japanese. Which probably sounded something like, "Iee ereee nebbaa foogiit yoo."

And now for something I'm very proud of:

This project took me the entire year.

Some of you know how hard the Japanese work and party. Well it often catches up to them, and they have no choice but to take a nap at work. And when this nap hits, I'm there to capture it on my cell phone. So without further adieu I give you an entire years worth of sleeping teachers on the job.

My Fav


So ya man, I did it. A year in a foreign country.
Came to this country without knowing any of the language, hardly any of the culture (Majority of my posts were about toilets for Christ's sake) and I survived in the countryside of Japan.

Okay asshole we know about your burning asshole, your lacking ability to get laid, and your obsession with your teachers, but what the fuck did you learn?

I learned a few things sir:
Iwasaki has had a boyfriend for four years.
I learned that you're never alone.
Kindness shouldn't be taken lightly, but should be shared.
Japanese food does not make me shit.
Japanese girls are crazy.
But White girls are crazier.
I love my friends.
I miss having a home.
Internet porn is evil.
Cooking is fun.
Culture is beyond words.
I'm excited to see all of you.


Friday, March 12, 2010



Last week I took a small 5 day vacation and did a small amount of traveling.

** I fucking forgot my camera so you're going to have to settle for MSpaint.

I went to Kobe for the second time and saw Jackson Browne with Sheryl Crow, and let me tell you it was AWESOME. I'm so happy I saw Browne before I (or he) died. But something strange happened with Sheryl Crow came on... Beside from the obvious butchering of a Jackson Brown classic, Doctor In My eyes, something was happening to me...

My penis (now strictly for peeing) seem to dissipate within my pants and a blossoming (not beautiful*) vagina appeared.

Holy shit! I have a vagina! What do I do with it? -- How come all of a sudden I like all these Crow jams? This is so strange... Are you strong enough to be my man? Obviously not you dick fuck.

Then as soon as it came, it vanished with the end of the set. Goodbye Sheryl, take my God forsaken vagina with you.


Then I took a trip to the WWII ravaged island of Okinawa.

Okinawa was the last island battle in the Pacific, and it was wild.
I went to a few WW2 museums, a cemetery, underground tunnels and caves the Japos made for hiding, and a memorial for an all girl high school that devoted their time to aiding the sick. Most of the girls and teachers committed suicide rather then submitting to the Americans.

After the war the island was taken over by the USA till 1972, before that Japanese people needed a passport to go there!

You can tell the Islands were Americanized at one point. I ate an A&W Rootbeer place, and then my stomach hurt BAD afterwards. ( Legends you're going to make me shit all over myself -- more then usual that is...)

I went to the second largest aquarium in the world. And it was fucking AWESOME... except for one minor detail.


Well that's that. I'm heading to Kyoto for one more small trip.
2 weeks and counting.

* = I know a lot of women are going to be up in arms about me calling the vagina "Not beautiful." Sorry dudes. I'm just not a big fan of something that has piss, discharge, yeast infections, and blood oozing out of it. But some dudes might find that beautiful... especially when discharged all over their chest, but I don't.

- About the Chinese, I have nothing against the Chinese at all, other than some of the food makes me shit, but by this point I think my stomach has been so beaten and battered anything could make me drop a brick into the pool.
Vivian if you still read this, which you probably don't, I was just kidding, you're awesome, and you deserve Lance. >=(

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Quick Update

Do You Use Condoms During Sex?

I've been on vacation for a while, sorry for the lack of update, but here's something good!

As some of you know, my vice principal loves me, which is great because he lets me come and go as I please. Which is why I'm writing this blog when I should be at work =D

Yesterday, after I gave him a souveigner from my vacation. He comes and sits down next to me and put his hand on my shoulder.

"When you make love... do you use condom?"

"You don't need a condom if you're sticking it in the butt Kyoto"

"Hmm I like thaat answer, you can go home early."

YES! I've been buttering up that guy all year and now I hardly ever have to go into work. It's fucking sweet. Other then that, I still havent drank the Coca-Cola in the fridge. I think I'll save that for my last day. A sort of victory drink of some sort.

I'll post about my vacation later.

Later bitches