Bidet part II
Back by popular demand is another post about the refreshing Bidet.
I know what some of you are thinking, "Nick, for Christs sake, stop writing about water penetrating your ass."
I can't help it...
I guess I should start from the BEGINNING
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..
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I don't poop like I used to back home in the states. Now for those that know me well this must come as a surprise.
Japan is different, I'm not eating like I used to. No more grease induced food to slighter its way out my rectum (If you're not sure what a rectum is there is a diagram below)
Then Nick What are you eating!?
Simple sir, I took a picture for all of you to see ...
Alright so that's ramen, and it runs about 8 USD. Which is probably the cheapest meal you'll find.
So once eating out at ramen houses became a little too expensive I had to resort to a more rudimentary approach ...
Yeah that's me cooking 50 cent packages of Ramen in a tea kettle. I'M BROKE!!! (but that's a whole nother story)
Eating ramen noodles everyday does not make one take a proper dump.
Hey Nick! Why don't you eat some Good ol' Fashion American food!? That will surely make you take a nasty shit...
Correct Old friend! But let me remind you that the American food here is mimicked poorly and still tastes like shit.. Example below
A small box of KFC near 9 USD! Are you FUCKING kidding me!? 9 dollars for a colonic! I mean I need to poop, desperately, but I'm not about to spend 9 dollars on shitty imported chicken from the colonel. (Sorry Ramil)
So I did the logical thing and hit up ... McDonalds..
Which actually didn't taste that bad...
Then The Next Morning....
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..
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IT STRIKES!
One of the most awkward dumps I've ever takin in my life.
I reach over to my left for the bidet.. and it's different! I'm not used to this one. There's the button for the normal bidet. But there's a second button and it's in pink... I .. Can't... Read.. .
FRONT!!! IT SAYS FRONT!
Now I'm guessing the button was made for the ladies... But I had to try it myself.. when in Rome..
AMAZING!
Of course I made a diagram for all of you to see for yourselves. . .
Water sprays just around the chode area.. and if you lean forward enough it will tickle your balls.Oh Japan, I know this may seem a little sudden, and forward but.. The last two weeks have been really special. I haven't felt this way in such a long time. I hope this isn't just a fling, I want this to be real. I think you're great, I don't ever want to leave you.. I love you
Nicholas
Posts
Dear Necro, You crack me up. Keep up the posts. Love, Deathly Dave
ReplyDeleteDude, I love your blog
ReplyDeleteBrilliant! I meant to ask you how the front spray went. Glad you liked it - I thought it was kinda boring.
ReplyDeleteBTW, totally agree on the poop thing. I blame all the rice.
Yes Ninja..
ReplyDeleteOur diets are completely thrown for a loop. There's times on the subway, when it's quite enough, I swear I can hear my stomach eating itself into submission.
Hopefully I'll be able to find a good grocery store to make myself a descent sized meal... then it's on
Stay Gold Club Alternate
hahahhahahhahhhahha
ReplyDeleteI haven't experienced this yet! I have a new mission. Thanks for expanding my goals Nick.
Good laugh.
Scotty
I'm pretty disappointed that you would turn your back on the Colonel like that. "I'm a goddamn American icon", is what he would say. I've always heard about how cheap ramen houses in Japan were. I can't imagine 8USD is the cheapest you can find. Good luck on your search though.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad the ass bidets are old news to you. Getting tickled in the balls probably reminds you of all the guys that did the same to you here in the states. Keep up the good work.