HOW IN THE WORLD

So,

I've been back in the states for over a year now, and I checked to see if this blog was getting any action.

I have over 5000 hits and about 500 views just last month. What the heck is going on?

How are people still reading this? Its wild.

Maybe I should move back to Japan.

Or move to downtown los Angeles and be White man in LA

Victory

It's All Over, It's All OVER!!!


Let me point a few things in this picture.

1. On the far right is the Coke can that has been laughing at me for months. As I was leaving the office today for the last time, I said screw it dude. I grabbed that coke and put it in my bag and took off. Brought it home and drank it while surfing www.slickdeals.com (I hate you Amit)
2. In the center is a pupcake/bear
3. On the far right is a bouquet of flowers by my teachers after my exeptional going away speech to the staff. I told them they have filled my heart with a endless love and I am forever debt to them. Naw, actually I just said, "I will never forget you," in Japanese. Which probably sounded something like, "Iee ereee nebbaa foogiit yoo."
   

And now for something I'm very proud of:

This project took me the entire year.

Some of you know how hard the Japanese work and party. Well it often catches up to them, and they have no choice but to take a nap at work. And when this nap hits, I'm there to capture it on my cell phone. So without further adieu I give you an entire years worth of sleeping teachers on the job.

My Fav

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So ya man, I did it. A year in a foreign country.
Came to this country without knowing any of the language, hardly any of the culture (Majority of my posts were about toilets for Christ's sake) and I survived in the countryside of Japan.

Okay asshole we know about your burning asshole, your lacking ability to get laid, and your obsession with your teachers, but what the fuck did you learn?

I learned a few things sir:
Iwasaki has had a boyfriend for four years.
I learned that you're never alone.
Kindness shouldn't be taken lightly, but should be shared.
Japanese food does not make me shit.
Japanese girls are crazy.
But White girls are crazier.
I love my friends.
I miss having a home.
Internet porn is evil.
Cooking is fun.
Culture is beyond words.
I'm excited to see all of you.


xoxoxxxo

VACATION

MY VAGINA IS GETTING BIGGER

Last week I took a small 5 day vacation and did a small amount of traveling.

** I fucking forgot my camera so you're going to have to settle for MSpaint.

I went to Kobe for the second time and saw Jackson Browne with Sheryl Crow, and let me tell you it was AWESOME. I'm so happy I saw Browne before I (or he) died. But something strange happened with Sheryl Crow came on... Beside from the obvious butchering of a Jackson Brown classic, Doctor In My eyes, something was happening to me...



My penis (now strictly for peeing) seem to dissipate within my pants and a blossoming (not beautiful*) vagina appeared.

Holy shit! I have a vagina! What do I do with it? -- How come all of a sudden I like all these Crow jams? This is so strange... Are you strong enough to be my man? Obviously not you dick fuck.

Then as soon as it came, it vanished with the end of the set. Goodbye Sheryl, take my God forsaken vagina with you.

---

Then I took a trip to the WWII ravaged island of Okinawa.

Okinawa was the last island battle in the Pacific, and it was wild.
I went to a few WW2 museums, a cemetery, underground tunnels and caves the Japos made for hiding, and a memorial for an all girl high school that devoted their time to aiding the sick. Most of the girls and teachers committed suicide rather then submitting to the Americans.

After the war the island was taken over by the USA till 1972, before that Japanese people needed a passport to go there!

You can tell the Islands were Americanized at one point. I ate an A&W Rootbeer place, and then my stomach hurt BAD afterwards. ( Legends you're going to make me shit all over myself -- more then usual that is...)

I went to the second largest aquarium in the world. And it was fucking AWESOME... except for one minor detail.

CHINESE



Well that's that. I'm heading to Kyoto for one more small trip.
2 weeks and counting.


* = I know a lot of women are going to be up in arms about me calling the vagina "Not beautiful." Sorry dudes. I'm just not a big fan of something that has piss, discharge, yeast infections, and blood oozing out of it. But some dudes might find that beautiful... especially when discharged all over their chest, but I don't.

- About the Chinese, I have nothing against the Chinese at all, other than some of the food makes me shit, but by this point I think my stomach has been so beaten and battered anything could make me drop a brick into the pool.
Vivian if you still read this, which you probably don't, I was just kidding, you're awesome, and you deserve Lance. >=(

Quick Update

Do You Use Condoms During Sex?

I've been on vacation for a while, sorry for the lack of update, but here's something good!

As some of you know, my vice principal loves me, which is great because he lets me come and go as I please. Which is why I'm writing this blog when I should be at work =D

Yesterday, after I gave him a souveigner from my vacation. He comes and sits down next to me and put his hand on my shoulder.

"When you make love... do you use condom?"

"You don't need a condom if you're sticking it in the butt Kyoto"

"Hmm I like thaat answer, you can go home early."

YES! I've been buttering up that guy all year and now I hardly ever have to go into work. It's fucking sweet. Other then that, I still havent drank the Coca-Cola in the fridge. I think I'll save that for my last day. A sort of victory drink of some sort.

I'll post about my vacation later.

Later bitches

Tie

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

Sorry for the shoulder in the picture, but I was just trying to inconspicuous

Yes, this guy is so awesome. Originally I was going to take a point away from this dude for being such a lazy ass, but then again, that's why I didn't take a point away. This dude doesn't give a FUCK. Good for him.

I noticed him on the train on the Kyoto.
I think the best part of it was the girl who's trapped in the seat next to him.
She tries to get up around the dude, and had to wake his drunk ass up. Ya, the dude was drunk at like 3 pm. So good.

I also enjoy this picture on multiple levels. People always hear about the Japanese sleeping on trains but this dude takes the cake. Takes the whole cake, and takes a giant shit on it.

All the Japo's tried to ignore him as much as possible. Tried not to look at him etc, but then when that chick was yelling at him to get up, a few people peered over and laughed.

Other than that...

I have one more month till I get back.
Excited anyone?

Leg Update

Everyone behold the leg:



As you can see it's a nice shade of yellow accompanied by a giant purple bruise that hurts like hell. My toes and bottom of my foot are all purple. Allow me to go into further detail.

I feel I should first give praise to Seiko-Chan who is a lovely 66 year old lady who picks me up everyday with a homemade breakfast every morning at 730 am to take me to school.
Then she picks me up at 330 to take me to the hospital. She pays all my hospital bills and buys all my food. She is not paid by any company, and she's only known me for the past 5 months. She does not speak English, and I don't think she speaks Japanese either (she does speak Japo but her country accent so god damn think it sounds like shes got a mouth full of food when she speaks). I love her.

She picks me up and takes me to the hospital everyday after school for some rehabilition, or at least thats what they call it. Here's a glimpse:

I'm sorry for the quality of the picture but it was taken with my phone.

They put ice on my ankle for about 20 minutes, then hook up 6 different electrical pads to my leg and send shocks through it for about another 20 minutes.

The worst part: the doctor massages my bruises.

Hey is that some ancient Japanese secret? It must feel good.

This massage in no way feels good. In fact it hurts bad.

"Itai?"

"Ya fucking itai!"

"Yokatta! Daijobu desu?"

"No, what the fuck!?

Anyway I'm only supposed to be on crutches for 1 or 2 more weeks. I can't wait to get this fucking thing off my leg. I gotta go see Sheryl Crow and Jackson Browne (fuck you Austin) next week in Kobe then go to Okinawa. F.

How is school going?

School is a breeze right now. There is no elevator so they've canceled all my classes on the 3rd and 4th floors. I have roughly 1 class a day. Everyone is killer nice opening doors and fetching me things around the office. Most of the Japanese just laugh at me when I tell them it was Judo, but fuck it, less work for me to do.

There was one day last week when a class and I were doing a chirades game. And one of the Japanese teachers insisted that I partake even though I'm on crutches.
"Are you fucking kidding me? No. I got one month left, give me a fucking break dude."

Is there anything else I want to say?... hmm.. I booked my flight home.. I haven't pooped since Friday... that coke in the fridge is still laughing in my face... Amit's a fag

Japan 6 - Nick 7

Racism Lives!

Assholes might as well be offering grape soda with their pork sandwiches

Don't let the sneaky Japanese fool you. Racism is alive and well in this country.

Maybe not racism, but they definitely don't think twice to what they're saying..

Japanese: "Oh.. black face!"

I would say this sign is a pretty good example of that. Not sure if you find the term "Black Music" offensive or not, but I try to compare most of what I see to the states. I don't think you would find a cafe in the states with a sign of a black man singing "Black Music."

I've had many people mock the way I talk and laugh. It's a little annoying. I know I've mentioned this before but could you imagine turning to an Asian in America and mocking, "Ching chong gong gong piiiiiiiiiiiiiiing bong gong"?

HOT DAMN!

Leg Update: Couldn't fucking sleep at all last night. The floor is fucking cold and my leg was throbbing. Totally didn't go to work today. Ha!

- Thanks to everyone that voted. That coca-cola is as good as mine! Plus who's gana take it from a cripple?..